Withdraw! Withdraw! Withdraw!
By Becca Fletcher.
When our Leadership Development team first started discussing a series of articles on building a culture of connection, the others on the team jumped right into an enthusiastic conversation about opportunities to create community and connection. I, on the other hand, as the most introverted introvert on the team, felt myself wanting to withdraw from all that energy.
It is not that I am antisocial or look for ways to avoid being around other people. That would be isolation, which has a rather gloomy connotation. Some definitions of isolation relate it to unhappiness; some point out that isolation is an imposed state of separation in a context where a state of connectedness would be preferable or more desirable. It is interesting to note that the English word isolation comes from the French word isole, which means “to put on an island.” Isolation is a physical separation from others.
I am also not melancholy; I do not feel like I have nobody to connect with. That is loneliness—the sense of unhappiness or discontent that comes from an unfulfilled desire for companionship. Loneliness is a true problem for a lot of people who, for one reason or another, find it difficult to establish and maintain relationships with others. When the struggle is loneliness, it is entirely appropriate to seek new and different ways to find community and connection.
The need that I recognize in myself is for solitude—a conscious choice to spend time away from other people and distractions. Solitude gives me the opportunity to sit quietly and listen for the still small voice of the divine. Much of my work is about relating with other people, whether I am co-leading a workshop, coaching one-on-one, or meeting with a group of leaders. And, it all takes energy, which I replenish by spending time alone. To put it another way, I need times of solitude in order to authentically and effectively be with other people, whether that is at work or at play. I wonder…
What energizes you?
It’s important to know how much solitude and connectedness you need to function best, and if you—like me—need alone time to be healthy, then I encourage you to practice the kind of solitude that fills your soul.
Journalist Derek Thompson recently named this the Anti-Social Century. Americans are spending more and more time alone. Our “aloneness” is reshaping our realities. It is certainly changing our ministry contexts. Throughout this year, LeaderWise writers will share their outlooks on our Anti-Social Century and what we can do to build a culture of connection.
Other articles on the Culture of Connection
2025 Resolution Against Loneliness by Mary Kay DuChene
