Who Listens to You?
A Twin Cities healthcare system has as one of its values, “Listen, really listen.” It is a simple, yet profound concept, that we need someone to listen to us, especially at times of vulnerability and stress. When I see a medical professional, I feel more confident and have a deeper level of trust when I have the sense that I am being listened to. I’m wondering these days if those of you in professional ministry might have an intensified need for just that – to have someone listen to you. Surely there are those who listen to ministers through preaching and teaching. But what about someone to listen, really listen to your lives?
You may have seen the Barna research on ministers and work satisfaction. The latest assessment shows that 42% of clergy have seriously considered leaving ministry within the last year, up from 29% just one year ago. The study cites the top reasons as: job stress, feeling lonely and isolated, and challenges due to current political divisions.
From my experience, those three have always been part of ministry. It can be stressful leading a community of faith where we intersect with people’s deepest hurts and hopes. Because of dual relationships, it is not always easy for ministers to navigate relationships in heathy ways, leading them often to feel “alone in a crowd.” And there have always been differences of opinions around politics and how faithful people should respond. But what does seem different these days is how all of this has been intensified. COVID is still here and so are the challenges of keeping people safe while trying to return to “normal.” Many faith communities are struggling as people have been slow to return to worship, which often correlates with financial challenges. And the political polarization seems to be running rampant where a minister’s opinions and convictions may vary from those with whom they serve. These and other stressors weigh heavily on ministers.
Amid all of this, who listens to you? Where are the safe places where you can be authentic – where you can speak from your heart without risk of what someone else may think? Who will listen to your doubts? Your fears? Your evolving beliefs? We all need someone to listen to us.
Henry Nouwen said it well: “Listening is much more than allowing another to talk while waiting for a chance to respond. Listening is paying full attention to others and welcoming them into our very beings. The beauty of listening is that those who are listened to start feeling accepted, start taking their words more seriously and discovering their own true selves. Listening is a form of spiritual hospitality by which you invite strangers to become friends, to get to know their inner selves more fully, and even to dare to be silent with you.”
Perhaps you have found such a listening presence. If so, good for you. Keep it up and go there often. But my guess is that many may not have that listening ear. LeaderWise has a team of certified Spiritual Directors whose only role is to listen to you and reflect with you along your spiritual path. It is as a safe space where you can be present, quoting the late Brennan Manning, “just as you are, not as you or someone else thinks you should be.” It can be a sacred space. You can find more information about spiritual direction through LeaderWise here.
My hope for all serving in ministry is that you have someone outside of your family system, apart from your faith community, who will listen, really listen to you. You will be the better for it.
LeaderWise psychologists are also available to provide 'a listening presence' in your PsyPact state via telehealth. Contact us for more information.
