Courageous Living, Dying, and Leading
Flourishing in Retirement and Life
Courage is the ability to face our fears and challenges and act, moving forward in spite of them.
The Stories:
A little boy, my five-year-old grandson, has selective mutism. It is uncommon and, if undiagnosed, can make growing up painful and isolating. A wise therapist worked with him, his parents, and teachers this past year developing strategies for him to face challenging environments, where he might feel inclined to withdraw and not interact. In incremental steps, he learned to use his brave voice, raise his hand at school and ask questions. After lots of support, he is finding his courage. This is a story of courageous living.
Joe, his great-grandfather and my dad, spent the last six months of his life dealing with complications from a surgical procedure that went bad and left him unable to eat or talk. Despite his circumstances, he embraced each day with a smile and a twinkle in his eye. Each day, he mustered the courage to accept his situation and live in the moment, even if it was not the moment he had planned. He died as he lived, with gratitude and grace. This is a story of courageous dying.
Then, there was the young, people-pleasing pastor: me in my early ministry. That behavior was not an effective way to lead, nor was it healthy for my personal and family life. After a year of counseling and becoming more self-aware, I found the backbone to say no to the congregation's ill-mannered bully. This is a story of practicing courageous leadership.
In each of these stories, there were two choices:
Do nothing, remain stuck in one's head, and be immobilized by anxiety, anger, and fear, OR
Find one’s voice, speak up, and take a step forward.
This was not easy in any of the stories.
Courage is also needed at the age of retirement. It is a time of transition that invites us to find our brave voice and lean into practicing courageous leadership. Each of the stories above involved a support structure ~ family, teachers, therapists, medical staff for the person needing courage. Unfortunately, there is little support for retirees. We’re expected to just know how.
We all know stories of bravery and courage from the challenges of life. We wonder how individuals find the courage to act as they do. We wonder what we might do in similar circumstances. Martin Luther King, Jr. did not become brave overnight. It was a journey that did not mean he was without fear. Courage can be learned by taking many small steps until it is time for a big, bold leap. Courageous living, leading, and even dying is about strengthening one’s courage and resolve every day. It is about building one’s confidence and muscle for courageous action.
I wish I could say I innately stood up against the congregational bullies or set better boundaries to safeguard my personal and family time, but I did not. It was only after acknowledging the consequences of my behavior—on myself, my wife, and my family—that I sought counseling and began to build my courage muscles. Day by day, I got stronger, which has allowed me to change, say no, and be fully alive rather than conflicted and pained in the moment. My little grandson, with the support of family, is learning how to use his brave voice and show up more and more.
LeaderWise’s mission, one could say, is about helping individuals become more self-aware, more intentional about their choices, and more courageous in their living, leading, and even dying. The goal is to fully embrace one’s life in this moment.
That’s why LeaderWise offers Flourishing in Retirement. The saying “growing old is not for the faint-hearted” holds true, so building one's muscle memory in all things related to aging will help one flourish in retirement and through the aging process. LeaderWise aims to provide a support structure in the transition of retirement so that we too may practice courage and embrace the next chapter in our lives. Flourishing is a “workshop-cohort” designed to help those nearing retirement or newly retired become more intentional and courageous in their living.
"The Glory of God is human beings who are fully alive," wrote the 2nd Century theologian Irenaeus. Courageous living, leading, and dying is about being fully alive in each season of life.
