The Whys Behind The Whats
Our summer e-letter series on resilience kicked off June 6. Each week we are writing about one of the eleven tasks that Dr. Tom Skovholt, a prominent researcher in the helping professions, identifies as necessary to maintain our wellbeing. Last week we continued with Skovholt’s Task 2: “Develop abundant sources of positive energy.” This week, Dr. Ali Kenney shares how to “Relish the Joy and Meaning of the Work as a Positive Energy Source.” Find the collection of past e-newsletters here.
Resilience Task 3
The Whys Behind The Whats: Relish the Joy and Meaning of the Work as a Positive Energy Source
Before I review this exercise, I want you to give it a try yourself. It’ll take less than two minutes and I hope it will prove interesting! (End sales pitch.)
Grab a paper and pencil. Write the numbers one through five on it. Answer the following questions in order (asking the question below in reference to your previous answer). Short answers as best:
What do you do?
Why do you do what you do?
Why do you do that?
What makes that so?
Why (is that important)?
Done.
I went to a conference while in graduate school, the topic of which I cannot recall. While the content of the presentation didn’t make it past my short-term memory, a simple exercise one of the speakers had the audience engage in did. Here’s what I remember:
Speaker: “I want to ask you all a series of questions. Please write down your responses on the notepad in front of you. What do you do?”
Me: I wrote down, I’m a seminary student.
Speaker: “Here’s a follow-up question to your answer…why do you do what you do?”
Me: Easy! So I can better serve and learn from others
Speaker: OK. Why do you do that?
Me: Hmmmm…this was getting harder. I think people are valuable.
Speaker: “What makes that so?”
Me: Oh gosh. OK. I guess because…I was raised to think that way and then adopted that worldview as an adult.
Speaker: “Last question. Why?”
Me: It's probably because of my family’s belief in and following of the Catholic faith.
Speaker: “It only takes five questions to get to the core of who you are and why you do the things you do.”
Me: Whooooooooaaaaaaah.
In order to gauge how meaningful this could be nearly 10 years after first doing it, I asked this series of questions to my husband, sister, neighbor, friend, and six-year-old daughter. Here are their final answers:
“Because my family loves me.”
“Because it pushes me to change and be better every day.”
“Because happiness and creativity are what I hold as most important.”
“Because [living out my spirituality] makes me feel integrated with myself and the world.”
“Because I want to be a good person and grow up to be a good lady.”
I was impressed! Seems like these would be good sticky notes to have on your bathroom mirror, by your desk, or in your car. (I’ll put mine in my daily planner.)
As we continue writing about the theme of resilience, we want to emphasize the importance of re-assessing and re-engaging with the whys of our whats. As you reflect on your approach to and process of this exercise, I invite you to think about the people, stories, images, and / or feelings that came up for you when answering each of the five questions. Write about them, share them with a friend, and / or pray about them.
Identifying what truly sustains us in our professions / vocations fosters self-awareness, which allows us to more easily share that information with those around us. This in turn cultivates healthy intimacy that feeds our relationships to self, others, and the larger world. Such contemplative understanding and relational well-being can then help us remain committed to the work we do when times get tough.
