Guidance for Spiritual Leaders: Four Steps from Anxiety and Despair to Flourishing
“Our default as human beings is to be anxious and unhappy.”
When I declared this at a social gathering, I received immediate pushback. Ironically, the most anxious person in the room pushed back hardest: “I vehemently disagree!” They acted offended, as if I was suggesting we are all doomed to be miserable.
Quite the opposite. Wouldn’t it be liberating to drop the struggle and accept that nature has wired us this way? We wouldn’t have to worry about being anxious or unhappy and could accept ourselves for who we are. Many evolutionary psychologists contend that our propensity toward anxiety and dissatisfaction remains a vestige from our ancestral past. As a species, it served us well to be vigilant and on guard, as our earliest ancestors survived by anticipating potential danger lurking around every corner. For good and ill, we’ve inherited their genetic wiring. Almost all of us have experienced waking up in the middle of the night concerned about things that never come to pass. Many worries seem to evaporate with the light of day. And yet we worry. Anxiety at its best counsels us to be prudent and plan for the future; anxiety at its worst wakes us up in the middle of the night, riddled with worry and unable to fall back asleep, and clouds our thinking during the day. As spiritual leaders, we often make our worst decisions when we are anxious and scared.
An apocryphal story resonates with us because most of us can see ourselves in it. Performing a life review, an elderly individual on their deathbed concluded, “I am an old person and have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened.” The fact that variations of this story can be traced from the first century to the present indicates that we’re not alone in our 3 AM worries and ruminations.
Paradoxically, once we’ve accepted that anxiety and unhappiness are part of the human condition, calm and happiness become possible. Rather than trying to eliminate challenging emotions and situations, we can notice and name them, create space for them, and move forward to generate more life-affirming emotions. This process can work for us both as individuals and as organizations.
Here are four steps we can take as spiritual leaders to shift from anxiety to a more constructive mindset:
Accept Your Anxiety. We’re wired to perceive potential threats. Shrinking budgets and declining participation, who wouldn’t panic? Or, if your organization is growing, who wouldn’t worry about when the other shoe will drop? Accept your worry. It’s natural—and it’s important to move on to the next steps.
Practice Gratitude. Yes, you’re wired to pick up on dangers, but you can also broaden your perspective. Gratitude is one such avenue to widen your lens. When I worked at a chronic pain clinic, we had a saying, “If you’re breathing, there is more right with you than wrong with you,” when considering all the biological systems and other conditions that come together to make one’s life possible. Despite our challenges, a person's existence is a miracle. Similarly, our callings as spiritual leaders and the rich histories of the faith-based organizations we serve are remarkable. Regardless of what happens in the future, we can practice gratitude for what is and what’s been. Need a gratitude boost? Watch “A Grateful Day,” a five-minute video with Brother David Steindl-Rast.
Practice Mindfulness. Mindfulness is another practice that broadens our perspective. For some, it can be a formal meditation practice of sitting on a cushion or chair. For others - indeed all of us - it can be as simple as checking in with ourselves regularly throughout the day. Pause for a moment. What are you thinking or feeling right now? Where are you experiencing your emotions in your body (e.g., tension in the forehead, tightness in the shoulders, a lump in your throat, etc.)? Just as you would place a hand on the shoulder or back of a friend experiencing a difficult time, do the same for yourself by putting your hand over the part of your body where you sense this upsetting emotion. Feel the warmth of your hand radiating compassion to that part of your body—practice self-compassion. In therapy, I’ll often teach people this technique through a guided exercise, “dropping anchor.” You can try it now by practicing with Russ Harris, a physician and therapist, who developed the exercise. Find audio recordings here.
Live Your Values. When faced with uncertain futures, we must confront the reality that some dangers might be real and we need to act despite our anxiety. We can freeze in the face of anxiety and despair, or we can act. At the beginning of the pandemic, we at LeaderWise worried the center might go out of business as there was an initial flurry of cancellations of workshops, programs, and other services. After acknowledging our anxiety to ourselves, we responded by consciously choosing to live out our mission and values. If LeaderWise went out of business, we would do it with integrity. Were there sleepless nights? Absolutely. However, our calling as a faith-based organization was more compelling and ultimately drew us forward. LeaderWise staff members often use The Live Your Values Deck in our own work with both colleagues and clients.
As spiritual leaders, we live in a time of change and challenge, and succumbing to despair and becoming paralyzed would be easy. For many of us, the existential threats to the survival of the faith-based organizations we serve are real. We feel anxious because they might not survive five more years or even a year. Our genetic wiring has placed us on high alert by design. Rather than wishing away our anxiety and sadness, take solace in the fact that our reactions are normal. There is nothing wrong with us. Once we honor and accept these feelings, we can engage in practices to ground us, broaden our perspective, and act faithfully. None of this is to say it’s easy. One healthy response is to reach out for assistance. At LeaderWise, we’re here to help with therapists for mental health, coaching for practical skills, reflective pastoral supervision for ministry accompaniment, and spiritual direction to remind us of our calling and larger context. You’re invited to contact us to learn more.
