3Practices for Crossing the Difference Divide
By emilie boggis.
At a recent neighborhood gathering, a friend was spouting some "facts," and I sensed within a rising tide of disagreement. I noticed myself continue to nod at my friend when, in fact, I had stopped listening altogether and was planning my escape route. Instead of excusing myself or dominating with my own (correct) point of view, I remembered one of the three practices that I had been working on: I’ll stay in the room with difference. So, I took a deep breath and tuned back in, saying, “I’d be curious to know how this issue has impacted you personally.”
Learning to stay in the room with difference seems to be a necessary practice for our time, especially as leaders. At LeaderWise, we have been learning from 3Practices founders, Jim Henderson and Jim Hancock. These Circles provide safe and fair containers for practicing a disciplined curiosity with one another. The Jims point out that both curiosity and caring come from the same Latin root word: cura.
Throughout 2025, emilie boggis, LeaderWise consultant and trained 3Practices referee, will be leading a monthly 3Practices Circle for our community to give us space to practice staying in the room with difference. In fact, feel free to bring a friend. Rather than to reach agreement, the goal is to gain greater clarity about one another.
Register here to join the March 7 Circle. You can attend as many Circles as works for your schedule, whether it’s one Circle or a few as it works for your schedule or all of them as a monthly spiritual practice. Find other dates listed below. If you can’t attend a 3Practices circle with LeaderWise, consider attending one with the Jims.
How did it go with my friend? It is not an exaggeration to say my friend was dumbfounded by my response. Their body language and tone softened as they opened up. I stayed with my curiosity throughout the conversation, simply not allowing myself to have the last word. Did I agree with them in the end? No, but I remembered why we are friends.
Future 3Practices Circles and Topics
Friday, April 4 Discovery Circle: What's drawing us together instead of driving us apart?
Friday, May 2 Solution Circle: Here is my one big idea for faith communities…
Friday, June 6 Discovery Circle: If “toxic leadership” is learned, can it be unlearned?
Friday, July 11 Story Circle: Here's a summer I'll never forget and what I learned from it…
Friday, August 15 Discovery Circle: What's something your group gets wrong?
Friday, September 5 Story Circle: If my ministry context didn’t exist, here’s what our community would miss…
Friday, October 3 Discovery Circle:This is when I knew my race mattered.
Friday, November 7 Lament Circle: “This I could not repair…”
Friday, December 5 Discovery Circle: This is something I do, not to achieve some goal, but because it’s simply worth doing.
